In Which I Think Again About Wearing Hats.

I can't call myself a blogger if I don't actually, you know, blog.

So I'm not wearing my blogger hat much these days.

I'm not really wearing any hats these days.

Ok. So I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I'm a lot of things, but I'm experiencing a strange mentality lately. My kids are all off on their own, and I'm absolutely loving the empty nest thing because the kids are all happy and successful and getting on with their own lives...and we see them and talk to them all the time and still have a very close relationship. My husband and I have a great marriage and we love being together. He works from home so we are almost always together which is awesome and I love it. But even so, I am finding myself with lots of large blocks of time on my hands.

I've been trying to find some kind of productive way to fill that time. I dabbled in several jobs over the last couple of years, and nothing has challenged me or been something I felt was what I wanted to do long term. Either I was totally unchallenged (retail), and thus, bored, or the field was something that just wan't up my alley (banking. Challenging, but hello? I'm not really into explaining for the zillionth time that if you spend more money than is actually in your account, you will be overdrawn and it's not the bank's fault. It's yours. Again).

 I still cook and clean and take care of the house just like I've always done, but with only two of us at home now (three if I include my aged but still undemanding and low-maintenance cat), I'm not exactly a busy person. I am feeling super duper unproductive and I'm finding it easy to be lazy. I sew. I grow flowers and stuff in pots on the patio. I refinished some furniture for my guest room and I'm getting ready to do a table to go outside on my patio.

Shall we talk about that challenge thing again?

I'm also super involved with my church in the area of outreach and I do the book work and keep the financial records accurate and up to date. (The record keeping takes me a total of about two hours a month. Not exactly demanding.)  I work out at least three days a week. I write regular letters and emails to a few people I know who are in situations that are...well, let's just say they are less than ideal...as a means to encourage them and let them now there's someone out there who cares about them and prays for them. These are all good things, but I still have huge chunks of time on my hands.

Which led me to this. And then this. I wrote those posts more in jest than anything else, but there was a seed of truth, a seed of longing, in the back of my mind when I pushed "publish." Feel free to click the links now and then hit your back button to come back and finish reading this post.

So. Here's the deal. I believe that we are created with the need and the drive to be productive. We are created in the image of God and He has placed within us the same drive that is within Himself...the drive to succeed and excel and produce and contribute. It goes against our hard wiring as human beings to be unproductive and lazy. We were never created to be couch potatoes. At the moment, I feel like a non-contributing-zero and I hate that. No self pity here. Really. I've moved past that. (I had a long weekend visit with a good friend a few years ago when I had a good cry over this and pretty much dealt with the self pity aspect of it then. Hi Carolina!! I'm still thanking you for that!) I'm just looking at the reality that I'm stuck in a rut and it's (way past!) time to get out of that rut and do something with my life. I'm not even fifty yet! I have only lived half my life. Ok. Maybe a bit more than half, but still! I'm reasonably physically fit and I think the same way I did at 25. I can reasonably expect a lot more years of potential productivity, unless I come to an early and untimely end. Or the rapture happens, but I'm not going to sit around and do nothing since I have no idea what the future holds. I prefer to be proactive and enjoy life!

So all this is to say that I am on the lookout for...I don't know what. I'm am very blessed and fortunate in that I have the luxury of not having to earn money to support myself. I am grateful for that every single day. I have the luxury to do pretty much whatever I want. The fact that not many people have the luxury is not lost on me. It's rare and priceless and a gift from God.

All that is to say this:  I'm squandering this gift that has been given to me.

So is it finally time to find a job that is something that will allow me to be part of the community and interact with other people while challenging myself and learning new things? Is it selfish to want to do that in an area I enjoy? Or how about volunteer work?

Travel has always thrilled me. I love other cultures, people, and the very act of traveling is, though exhausting when dealing with long haul flights and time zones, fascinating. I experience a thrill that I can't explain at airports. Maybe I'm weird, but it is what it is! I love airplanes! They hold an unreasonable thrill for me. And I've met some very interesting people waiting at gates to board planes.

There is an airline with openings for ground crew (ticketing and etc) based in my city. I'm strongly considering applying. It's a part time position. It would get me out of the house, off my butt, and into the community. Granted, not into the air, and I'd still like to be a flight attendant, but I'm not willing to relocate and that is usually a requirement for the job. But ground crew? I can do that.

Or maybe there is something else I can do in the travel industry. I've toyed with teaching, photography, and admin, among other things, but nothing thrills me like the travel industry.

So the big question is this? Now what?

Also...and I'll toss this into the mix...I love to write. L.O.V.E. to write. So what's out there in the way of combining travel and writing? Or travel and photography and writing? And are there opportunities for "women of a certain age?" I'm probably being very naive. I don't know of anybody who will hire a middle aged woman with no experience or education to speak of and only amateur photography skills as a travel writer right off the bat. I mean, I have life experience, but so does everyone else. So where to start?

Time for prayer because above all else, I want to remain within God's will and purpose for me life. I do feel it's a new season for me; a God-given one. I'm looking down the barrel of fifty in a couple of years and this seems to be a time of Jubilee, of freedom, of celebration in my life. It has been for a while, but I've been faffing around. The window of opportunity is still open though, and I intend to go through it before it closes. Just not sure how!

Please comment and leave your thoughts, or email me! I'm wide open for feedback, whether I know you in "real life" or not!

Image credit

In Which I Think About Putting A Wild Hare on a Plane and Flying Somewhere, Part 1

 (source)

                                                                       
When I was little I desperately wanted to be a flight attendant.

After I graduated from high school but before I became a Christian I thought about it again and decided against it. I would have (very much!) liked to do it but I didn't have the confidence. I felt at the time that the process was bigger and scarier and more intimidating than trying out for cheer leading had been when I was a freshman. That whole experience was awful. The comparison, the peer pressure, the cattiness of the girls, the feeling that I didn't measure up and never would and the fact that I wasn't "popular," and therefore someone to be looked down on, was too much for me as a freshman at age 14. It actually affected me deeply for a long time. I shouldn't have let it do so, but what can I say? Fourteen is a pretty impressionable and important age. My high school years where fraught with insecurity and my motto was "I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere?"

After graduation I felt like applying as a flight attendant would bring up all those old feelings of inadequacy.

So I didn't go there.

I went to California instead and lived in a near constant state of inebriation on Malibu beach and squandered my parents' very generous investment in my education.

Yeah, I really had it goin' on.

But that's another story for another time. Or maybe it's all better to stay forgotten!

source

Fast forward to a couple of years ago when I was thinking about going (back) to work. The thought of applying to airlines crossed my mind and I started to look into it but things took a different turn, one reason being that my son was still living at home and I felt a need to be home more than be flying the friendly skies regularly. So I went to work as a bank teller. That was a mistake, but that's also another story for another time. (I'm just full of stories!) I thought of the flight attendant thing as a wild hare anyway.

Fast forward to a few days ago. One of my neighbors came over with a gift for me. (So nice!) She picked up a calendar with beautiful pictures of Hawaiian flowers the last time she was in Honolulu. She is a flight attendant for United Airlines and flies the SFO-Hawaii route regularly. I didn't know that until she brought the calendar over. I had noticed she was out of town for a couple of days every two weeks or so, but I had no idea she was doing the exact job I had dreamed about as a child and again as a teenager.

We ended up spending all day with her getting to know each other. It was totally spontaneous and a lot of fun. When she brought the calendar over she asked about our church and what we believe and the three of us (my hubby, she, and I) hung out on our doorstep talking for about half an hour. I invited her in but she wanted to stay within sight of her own front door because she was expecting some sort of appliance repair man. We ended up going over to her place so we could all sit down and be more comfortable and she wouldn't miss the repair guy. We stayed for three hours drinking coffee and just chatting and talking. She is very interested in our church and we talked a lot about that but we also talked about everything under the sun.

I mentioned that if I ever went to work seriously, on a permanent basis, I thought being a flight attendant would be fantastic. I'd rather do something interesting other than little retail jobs or house cleaning or something--not that I'm knocking those things. They all have their place, and I've done them all. (I am thinking of starting a house cleaning business again...I could set my own hours!)

This lady worked on the ground for United Airlines for years and then started flying. I mentioned that at 48 years old, I think I'm too old to be hired to fly but she said, no way. She said she herself started flying in her 40's (and has been doing for at least 20 years) but I pointed out that she had already been working for the same airline, just in a different capacity, for over a decade. She said the airlines prefer these days to hire older people, even in their 50's, instead of younger. Lots of reasons, none of which are important here. She strongly encouraged me to look into it, and even mentioned a specific airline that would be good to work for, should I decide to apply.

I get these ideas in my head and then I realize they are a total wild hare and I go back into my well traveled mode of thinking and settle down. My well traveled mode of thinking it what is "comfortable" to the people who know me well. They know I get these wild ideas and half way entertain them for a minute but then they go by the wayside. (The ideas go by the wayside, not the people who know me!)

Here's the thing, though. When my neighbor was encouraging me my husband said...

get this...

"Hey! Well, there ya' go!"

Let me translate: "That's not actually a bad idea. Are you going to look into it?"

Whaaaat?

...blink...

...blink...

...blank...   (not a typo. I was seriously totally blank in my mind, aghast at his response)

 Did he just say that?

So there's the question: Am I going to look into it?

This post is getting too long, so check back tomorrow to find out if I'm looking into becoming a flight attendant or if it's just another wild hare of mine that will go away and then I'll calm down.

Note to my family and friends: No need to panic. No need to call your father (Brittney, I'm talking to you) to find out if I've lost my mind. It will all come clear tomorrow.