So...where was I? You can read Part 1 of this post here. Either click on the link or just scroll down. The post is right below this one.
Oh yes. I was toying with the idea of jetting off into the clouds on a DC-10. Or maybe a 737 Airbus. (Have you seen of those babies close up? We are talking about a very large airplane.)
Am I going to look into it?
No, if I follow my usual pattern.
But...do I want to live the rest of my life following my usual pattern? I think not. My usual pattern tends to keep me where it's safe and familiar. There's comfort in that, but I'm not sure I want to stay "safe and familiar" for the rest of my life. Call it a female mid-life crisis. Call it what you want, but in remaining "safe and familiar" there's no achievement, nothing to be proud of, no long term fulfillment, and very little need to grow and change and become a better, bigger, more productive person.
I quit a job a while back because, among other reasons, I felt like I was never home. (I've kicked myself over and over since, but hindsight is 20/20 and I learned a lot from that mistake. I should have stuck with the job for a while longer...but, well, it is what it is.) I understand that my first responsibility is to my home and husband. He is, however, perfectly capable of preparing his own meals on occasion and even knows how to use the washing machine if he has to. He can take out the trash and he knows how to iron. He can even feed the cat and prune the roses! And he doesn't mind doing those things if I'm busy or not around for some reason.
My kids will find that hard to believe...the part about him not minding, but he honestly doesn't. Don't get me wrong...I'm very aware of priorities and what my role is and is not, and I happily do all those things for him. If I didn't I'd probably hang out on Pinterest all day or something. It's not like I have regular commitments that need to be met, but he does. He works full time. He's at home, granted, but he's still working. The man writes three amazing sermons a week that take 10-12 hours of study each. He also runs a weekly men's discipleship class, and takes care of countless other church related things, offers pastoral counsel to people in person and over the phone, not to mention maintaining the house in good repair, taking care of the car and making sure all the bills are paid on time. He also works out twice a day (we both do) to stay healthy. He's a very busy man so the least I can do if I'm not working is take care of all the home stuff so he doesn't have to think about it. What else am I going to do with my time anyway? Blog?
But...roles change in life as circumstances change. Our lives are in a new season (hello empty nest!). I can stay in my old patterns of thinking and living, or I can step out in faith and pursue new or renewed interests.
Most flight attendants work 75-80 hours a month. That's right. A month. That's the equivalent of two weeks out of four. Less time than I was working before, but for days at at time, which would feel, again, like I was never home. Sometimes they have to crash for a few hours of sleep in between flights wherever they can find a place to lay their heads. Without seniority the schedules usually pretty much suck. And, really, is this realistic for me? If you know me, you know how much I like my sleep...in my own bed...with my own fluffy duvet! But all that aside, am I just entertaining pointless ideas or is this a dream that doesn't yet have feet? Sometimes I get tired of having big ideas and then giving them up for what's "practical." It's that old mode of thinking thing.
A few things I know for sure: I need to pray. I'm feeling a bit restless and I think working outside my home in some capacity would be good. I need to find the right job, and the right balance, and the mind of God! But regardless of what I do on the outward, the main thing is learning to break out of my usual pattern of thinking. Those old ways aren't wrong, per say, but they are no longer current or relevant to my life. Time to grow, to change, to learn, to find out how I can be a productive and contributing member of my family, my marriage, my church, and my community in this new season of life. Time to not be a "non-contributing zero." (Click the link. It's a four minute video. Hilarious.)
Time to pray.