Part Two. You Didn't Even Know There Was a Part One!

via

Part 2 to my last post is this (and not nearly so lengthy): Much as I would love to be involved in the travel industry, I don't think it's the right option for me. I've sort of come to a balance in my mind over all this and I think for now I need to concentrate some things coming up on my plate this fall (weddings of two of my kids and a minor surgery that I need but is not yet scheduled, among other loose ends).

I would like to also focus some time on getting my Spanish back up and running, and progress. I've worked out sort of a schedule for myself to loosely follow for my weekdays that involves prayer, exercise, study, and some work on various projects I have going on related to the weddings and also some other stuff I've been putting off. One of these projects may or may not involve categorizing and filing ten years worth of digital pictures. Ahem. Organization is actually one of my strong suits.

Apparently so is procrastination.

January will see me jetting to a tropical paradise for another wedding. I know. It's a real sacrifice.

My plan is this, for those who are interested (and for those who are not, feel free to click the "x" ;-) ): Have the surgery whenever it gets scheduled, spend the summer working diligently on my fitness level and nutrition and also enjoying my patio with friends and family from near and far. By the way, I recently finished my patio with some seating, flowers, lighting for the evening, and generally making it summer-y and nice (no, that picture isn't from my patio. It's my inspiration, though!). Weddings will come up in the fall, then Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, trip to Fiji, and then...we'll see. I'll be structuring my days a little more closely and stepping up my involvement with outreach and all that is involved with that at my church. I might look into taking some classes in nutrition with an eye to move in that direction professionally in the Spring semester of 2013, but that's up in the air.

All in all I will be taking the advice of a good friend:


 ".... just begin to praise God for what He is about to do your life. Something is definitely brewing deep inside and soon all will unfold."


Sounds like a good solid plan of action to me! No more stressing about squandering time. Time and life are gifts, and stressing out about not appreciating what God has given me isn't doing me or anyone else any good!

In Which I Think Again About Wearing Hats.

I can't call myself a blogger if I don't actually, you know, blog.

So I'm not wearing my blogger hat much these days.

I'm not really wearing any hats these days.

Ok. So I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I'm a lot of things, but I'm experiencing a strange mentality lately. My kids are all off on their own, and I'm absolutely loving the empty nest thing because the kids are all happy and successful and getting on with their own lives...and we see them and talk to them all the time and still have a very close relationship. My husband and I have a great marriage and we love being together. He works from home so we are almost always together which is awesome and I love it. But even so, I am finding myself with lots of large blocks of time on my hands.

I've been trying to find some kind of productive way to fill that time. I dabbled in several jobs over the last couple of years, and nothing has challenged me or been something I felt was what I wanted to do long term. Either I was totally unchallenged (retail), and thus, bored, or the field was something that just wan't up my alley (banking. Challenging, but hello? I'm not really into explaining for the zillionth time that if you spend more money than is actually in your account, you will be overdrawn and it's not the bank's fault. It's yours. Again).

 I still cook and clean and take care of the house just like I've always done, but with only two of us at home now (three if I include my aged but still undemanding and low-maintenance cat), I'm not exactly a busy person. I am feeling super duper unproductive and I'm finding it easy to be lazy. I sew. I grow flowers and stuff in pots on the patio. I refinished some furniture for my guest room and I'm getting ready to do a table to go outside on my patio.

Shall we talk about that challenge thing again?

I'm also super involved with my church in the area of outreach and I do the book work and keep the financial records accurate and up to date. (The record keeping takes me a total of about two hours a month. Not exactly demanding.)  I work out at least three days a week. I write regular letters and emails to a few people I know who are in situations that are...well, let's just say they are less than ideal...as a means to encourage them and let them now there's someone out there who cares about them and prays for them. These are all good things, but I still have huge chunks of time on my hands.

Which led me to this. And then this. I wrote those posts more in jest than anything else, but there was a seed of truth, a seed of longing, in the back of my mind when I pushed "publish." Feel free to click the links now and then hit your back button to come back and finish reading this post.

So. Here's the deal. I believe that we are created with the need and the drive to be productive. We are created in the image of God and He has placed within us the same drive that is within Himself...the drive to succeed and excel and produce and contribute. It goes against our hard wiring as human beings to be unproductive and lazy. We were never created to be couch potatoes. At the moment, I feel like a non-contributing-zero and I hate that. No self pity here. Really. I've moved past that. (I had a long weekend visit with a good friend a few years ago when I had a good cry over this and pretty much dealt with the self pity aspect of it then. Hi Carolina!! I'm still thanking you for that!) I'm just looking at the reality that I'm stuck in a rut and it's (way past!) time to get out of that rut and do something with my life. I'm not even fifty yet! I have only lived half my life. Ok. Maybe a bit more than half, but still! I'm reasonably physically fit and I think the same way I did at 25. I can reasonably expect a lot more years of potential productivity, unless I come to an early and untimely end. Or the rapture happens, but I'm not going to sit around and do nothing since I have no idea what the future holds. I prefer to be proactive and enjoy life!

So all this is to say that I am on the lookout for...I don't know what. I'm am very blessed and fortunate in that I have the luxury of not having to earn money to support myself. I am grateful for that every single day. I have the luxury to do pretty much whatever I want. The fact that not many people have the luxury is not lost on me. It's rare and priceless and a gift from God.

All that is to say this:  I'm squandering this gift that has been given to me.

So is it finally time to find a job that is something that will allow me to be part of the community and interact with other people while challenging myself and learning new things? Is it selfish to want to do that in an area I enjoy? Or how about volunteer work?

Travel has always thrilled me. I love other cultures, people, and the very act of traveling is, though exhausting when dealing with long haul flights and time zones, fascinating. I experience a thrill that I can't explain at airports. Maybe I'm weird, but it is what it is! I love airplanes! They hold an unreasonable thrill for me. And I've met some very interesting people waiting at gates to board planes.

There is an airline with openings for ground crew (ticketing and etc) based in my city. I'm strongly considering applying. It's a part time position. It would get me out of the house, off my butt, and into the community. Granted, not into the air, and I'd still like to be a flight attendant, but I'm not willing to relocate and that is usually a requirement for the job. But ground crew? I can do that.

Or maybe there is something else I can do in the travel industry. I've toyed with teaching, photography, and admin, among other things, but nothing thrills me like the travel industry.

So the big question is this? Now what?

Also...and I'll toss this into the mix...I love to write. L.O.V.E. to write. So what's out there in the way of combining travel and writing? Or travel and photography and writing? And are there opportunities for "women of a certain age?" I'm probably being very naive. I don't know of anybody who will hire a middle aged woman with no experience or education to speak of and only amateur photography skills as a travel writer right off the bat. I mean, I have life experience, but so does everyone else. So where to start?

Time for prayer because above all else, I want to remain within God's will and purpose for me life. I do feel it's a new season for me; a God-given one. I'm looking down the barrel of fifty in a couple of years and this seems to be a time of Jubilee, of freedom, of celebration in my life. It has been for a while, but I've been faffing around. The window of opportunity is still open though, and I intend to go through it before it closes. Just not sure how!

Please comment and leave your thoughts, or email me! I'm wide open for feedback, whether I know you in "real life" or not!

Image credit

In Which I Think About Putting A Wild Hare on a Plane and Flying Somewhere, Part 2

(source)

So...where was I? You can read Part 1 of this post here. Either click on the link or just scroll down. The post is right below this one.

Oh yes. I was toying with the idea of jetting off into the  clouds on a DC-10. Or maybe a 737 Airbus. (Have you seen of those babies close up? We are talking about a very large airplane.)

Okay.

 So...

Am I going to look into it?

No, if I follow my usual pattern.

But...do I want to live the rest of my life following my usual pattern? I think not. My usual pattern tends to keep me where it's safe and familiar. There's comfort in that, but I'm not sure I want to stay "safe and familiar" for the rest of my life. Call it a female mid-life crisis. Call it what you want, but in remaining "safe and familiar" there's no achievement, nothing to be proud of, no long term fulfillment, and very little need to grow and change and become a better, bigger, more productive person.

I quit a job a while back because, among other reasons, I felt like I was never home. (I've kicked myself over and over since, but hindsight is 20/20 and I learned a lot from that mistake. I should have stuck with the job for a while longer...but, well, it is what it is.)  I understand that my first responsibility is to my home and husband. He is, however, perfectly capable of preparing his own meals on occasion and even knows how to use the washing machine if he has to. He can take out the trash and he knows how to iron. He can even feed the cat and prune the roses! And he doesn't mind doing those things if I'm busy or not around for some reason.

My kids will find that hard to believe...the part about him not minding, but he honestly doesn't. Don't get me wrong...I'm very aware of priorities and what my role is and is not, and I happily do all those things for him. If I didn't I'd probably hang out on Pinterest all day or something. It's not like I have regular commitments that need to be met, but he does. He works full time. He's at home, granted, but he's still working. The man writes three amazing sermons a week that take 10-12 hours of study each. He also runs a weekly men's discipleship class, and takes care of countless other church related things, offers pastoral counsel to people in person and over the phone, not to mention maintaining the house in good repair, taking care of the car and making sure all the bills are paid on time. He also works out twice a day (we both do) to stay healthy. He's a very busy man so the least I can do if I'm not working is take care of all the home stuff so he doesn't have to think about it. What else am I going to do with my time anyway? Blog?

...ahem.

But...roles change in life as circumstances change. Our lives are in a new season (hello empty nest!). I can stay in my old patterns of thinking and living, or I can step out in faith and pursue new or renewed interests.

Most flight attendants work 75-80 hours a month. That's right. A month. That's the equivalent of two weeks out of four. Less time than I was working before, but for days at at time, which would feel, again, like I was never home. Sometimes they have to crash for a few hours of sleep in between flights wherever they can find a place to lay their heads. Without seniority the schedules usually pretty much suck. And, really, is this realistic for me? If you know me, you know how much I like my sleep...in my own bed...with my own fluffy duvet! But all that aside, am I just entertaining pointless ideas or is this a dream that doesn't yet have feet? Sometimes I get tired of having big ideas and then giving them up for what's "practical." It's that old mode of thinking thing.

A few things I know for sure: I need to pray. I'm feeling a bit restless and I think working outside my home in some capacity would be good. I need to find the right job, and the right balance, and the mind of God! But regardless of what I do on the outward, the main thing is learning to break out of my usual pattern of thinking. Those old ways aren't wrong, per say, but they are no longer current or relevant to my life. Time to grow, to change, to learn, to find out how I can be a productive and contributing member of my family, my marriage, my church, and my community in this new season of life. Time to not be a "non-contributing zero." (Click the link. It's a four minute video. Hilarious.)

Time to pray.

In Which I Think About Putting A Wild Hare on a Plane and Flying Somewhere, Part 1

 (source)

                                                                       
When I was little I desperately wanted to be a flight attendant.

After I graduated from high school but before I became a Christian I thought about it again and decided against it. I would have (very much!) liked to do it but I didn't have the confidence. I felt at the time that the process was bigger and scarier and more intimidating than trying out for cheer leading had been when I was a freshman. That whole experience was awful. The comparison, the peer pressure, the cattiness of the girls, the feeling that I didn't measure up and never would and the fact that I wasn't "popular," and therefore someone to be looked down on, was too much for me as a freshman at age 14. It actually affected me deeply for a long time. I shouldn't have let it do so, but what can I say? Fourteen is a pretty impressionable and important age. My high school years where fraught with insecurity and my motto was "I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere?"

After graduation I felt like applying as a flight attendant would bring up all those old feelings of inadequacy.

So I didn't go there.

I went to California instead and lived in a near constant state of inebriation on Malibu beach and squandered my parents' very generous investment in my education.

Yeah, I really had it goin' on.

But that's another story for another time. Or maybe it's all better to stay forgotten!

source

Fast forward to a couple of years ago when I was thinking about going (back) to work. The thought of applying to airlines crossed my mind and I started to look into it but things took a different turn, one reason being that my son was still living at home and I felt a need to be home more than be flying the friendly skies regularly. So I went to work as a bank teller. That was a mistake, but that's also another story for another time. (I'm just full of stories!) I thought of the flight attendant thing as a wild hare anyway.

Fast forward to a few days ago. One of my neighbors came over with a gift for me. (So nice!) She picked up a calendar with beautiful pictures of Hawaiian flowers the last time she was in Honolulu. She is a flight attendant for United Airlines and flies the SFO-Hawaii route regularly. I didn't know that until she brought the calendar over. I had noticed she was out of town for a couple of days every two weeks or so, but I had no idea she was doing the exact job I had dreamed about as a child and again as a teenager.

We ended up spending all day with her getting to know each other. It was totally spontaneous and a lot of fun. When she brought the calendar over she asked about our church and what we believe and the three of us (my hubby, she, and I) hung out on our doorstep talking for about half an hour. I invited her in but she wanted to stay within sight of her own front door because she was expecting some sort of appliance repair man. We ended up going over to her place so we could all sit down and be more comfortable and she wouldn't miss the repair guy. We stayed for three hours drinking coffee and just chatting and talking. She is very interested in our church and we talked a lot about that but we also talked about everything under the sun.

I mentioned that if I ever went to work seriously, on a permanent basis, I thought being a flight attendant would be fantastic. I'd rather do something interesting other than little retail jobs or house cleaning or something--not that I'm knocking those things. They all have their place, and I've done them all. (I am thinking of starting a house cleaning business again...I could set my own hours!)

This lady worked on the ground for United Airlines for years and then started flying. I mentioned that at 48 years old, I think I'm too old to be hired to fly but she said, no way. She said she herself started flying in her 40's (and has been doing for at least 20 years) but I pointed out that she had already been working for the same airline, just in a different capacity, for over a decade. She said the airlines prefer these days to hire older people, even in their 50's, instead of younger. Lots of reasons, none of which are important here. She strongly encouraged me to look into it, and even mentioned a specific airline that would be good to work for, should I decide to apply.

I get these ideas in my head and then I realize they are a total wild hare and I go back into my well traveled mode of thinking and settle down. My well traveled mode of thinking it what is "comfortable" to the people who know me well. They know I get these wild ideas and half way entertain them for a minute but then they go by the wayside. (The ideas go by the wayside, not the people who know me!)

Here's the thing, though. When my neighbor was encouraging me my husband said...

get this...

"Hey! Well, there ya' go!"

Let me translate: "That's not actually a bad idea. Are you going to look into it?"

Whaaaat?

...blink...

...blink...

...blank...   (not a typo. I was seriously totally blank in my mind, aghast at his response)

 Did he just say that?

So there's the question: Am I going to look into it?

This post is getting too long, so check back tomorrow to find out if I'm looking into becoming a flight attendant or if it's just another wild hare of mine that will go away and then I'll calm down.

Note to my family and friends: No need to panic. No need to call your father (Brittney, I'm talking to you) to find out if I've lost my mind. It will all come clear tomorrow.

Miracles, Drawing Near, and Purpose

A year of miracles, a year of drawing near to Christ. This is sort of the theme in our church this year, and I have added to that for my own personal life, that this year is a year of purpose. As in "to purpose to do something." Or "living with purpose." For so long I've wandered in and out of this interest and that hobby, and I find myself wandering in a wasteland of unfinished projects. Not only physical projects like quilts or stitchery or half finished garments stashed behind the sewing machine, but also...how to describe it? Intangible projects; specifically the regaining of my health and healthy body shape and size. Not that my health is bad. In fact, it's very good, but it won't continue that way if I don't get busy.

With all this in mind I have set some goals for this year. Not resolutions, but goals.

 There is a difference, by the way. :-)

My goals include, aside from trusting God for His miracle power to work in and through my life, and drawing near(er) to Him ("...draw near to God and He will draw near to you..." James 4:8), to finish everything I start this year. For this reason, I have been reticent to resurrect the ole' blog here. If I'm going to do it, I need keep up with it. I know it's not a huge deal, but this issue of finishing what I start and being consistent is important to me and I intend to be mindful and live with purpose in every single area of my life. I am purposing to do this. I'm really not sure about the grammar in all of this, but I think I'm getting my point across effectively!

Anyhoo.

I'm going to give the blog some direction. I've never had much direction with it; it's mostly been an avenue of creative outlet for me, and it will continue to be so, but I intend to add a purpose to it this year. I will be posting pictures of our lives, if not on a daily basis then at least regularly, as one (of many!) ways to keep a connection with our daughter, as she lives in another state. As an aside, I thought about taking part in one of these "post a photo a day every day all year" things but I don't want to commit to something I may not follow through with...see above!

So without further ado, I give you a picture of what I am doing every week day at 6am.

Notice the bookmark...a gift from a dear friend. So pretty, and it folds over and has a small flat magnet on each side. 

I get up at o'dark thirty and spend time in prayer and the word of God. I hate getting up, and I do mean hate, but once I'm up (and get caffeinated!) it's my very favorite time of the day. There's something very peaceful and satisfying about the very early morning just before the sun comes up.  The day is filled with potential and possibility and I love that! The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31, the ultimate example of a godly woman, "riseth also while it is yet night..." Throughout scripture we are exhorted to rise early. Maybe I'll do a post about specifically about that. Not now, though, this post is too long as it is!

She Wears Purple

I've created a new blog to run alongside this one, She Wears Purple. You can find a link on my sidebar. My recent posting schedule not withstanding, I plan to post to both of them. Maybe I'll combine them eventually, but for now I like the idea of having one blog dedicated to just daily musings about this and that, sometimes silly nonsense and other times more serious thoughts, and the other dedicated only to my Christianity.

Not that I separate the two in real life, by the way. My salvation defines everything I think and do and am, but I like to have my thoughts organized.

Ok...so I like every single area of my life organized. Ok, Ok! I'm over the top about my lists and organization, but God is helping me! ;-)

Hope to see you there!

Image credit

Focus, and Focus Well

Sometime after all the dust of Christmas begins to settle and the New Year is on the horizon most of us look back at the previous year, take stock, evaluate, regroup and make some goals for the upcoming year. It's a good idea to keep these things in mind, maybe even in written form somewhere, so we don't forget them, and revisit them from time to time. Life starts to happen and even spiral out of control sometimes and we forget our goals if we haven't noted them somewhere.

With that in mind, this being a bit past mid-year, it's time for me to take another look.

This year, instead of making lofty goals that I may or may not achieve (probably wouldn't achieve if the truth be told, and then I would feel bad and flog myself and feel like a loser) I chose a word that would be my theme, the hinge pin of sorts, for 2011. My idea was that this word would color all the decisions I would make throughout the year. It needed to be something that would encourage me to continue to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually (not physically, thank you very much! I've grown way too much in that regard and need to shrink! LOL). It needed to be something simple that would encompass the areas of my life that I wanted to address over the months of this year.

The word I chose was focus.

Where is my focus? Do I have clear goals and purpose? What is that purpose? Does it line up with God's purpose for me? Are the things in life that I'm pursuing furthering that purpose? What do I want to be doing in December of 2011? How have I been productive? What exactly has my life produced over the year?

I made a decision to simplify my life in any way I could, and dedicate myself wholeheartedly to whatever I was doing. The scripture tells us in Colossians 3:23, "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men..." .  I wanted every single decision I made, whether that be concerning my attitude, thoughts, or actions, to be purposeful and intentional.

This is a huge challenge here in the San Francisco Bay Area. It's an area dedicated to materialism and commercialism. Culture and lifestyle here is a one hundred and eighty degree shift from living in southern Spain, the most recent place we lived prior to here. People in Spain enjoy their lives. They aren't caught up with 'stuff,' or making more and more and more money. They are generally content with what they have, they work to pay the bills and provide for needs, but they aren't running here and there and everywhere consumed with the rat race of life. It's a very relaxed, happy, family oriented culture. It's a much slower and enjoyable ritmo de vida. I can't speak for other areas of Spain, but where we lived, on the southern coast, right on the shore of the Mediterranean, people had a passion and love of life that I rarely see here. In the summer time the beaches were filled every day by mid afternoon. Folks took care of the necessary affairs of life as quickly as they could, and then spent the rest of the day enjoying being alive. They didn't have a lot of 'stuff,' and didn't feel a need for it. They weren't so consumed with making their way in life that they forgot to enjoy life!

What a sad legacy it would be to have lived all my life striving to do and have more and more and more, so much so that I forget what's really important. Am I enjoying my relationship with Jesus, or has what I do for Him become an obligation? Am I enjoying my family, or have I allowed so much selfishness into my heart that they irritate me? Am I noticing the small joys of daily life or am I too busy being busy that I forget those things? Are my friends more important than my stuff? What am I focusing on? To what am I applying myself?

Did I notice the way the edges of the clouds turn silvery pink right before the sun comes up? Did I notice the way my cat runs to greet me when she hears my car drive up (I know...she's a weird cat. She sometimes thinks shes a dog. She even plays fetch)? Did I enjoy the process of creating a healthy tasty meal or just throw something on the table so we could hurry up and eat and move on to the next thing? Did I help that young mother on the sidewalk trying to get her stroller over the curb and in the process meet someone new? What am I focusing on? I am guilty of letting all these and more totally pass me by, but this year I have been applying myself to focusing on the task and hand, completing it well, and living more in the present moment that wishing for something else.

I don't want to be so caught up in busyness that I forget to be content. That's really the issue right there. Is what I'm focusing on bringing contentment or is it making me wish for more and more and yet more? And do I focus completely on the current task and complete it well or am I so scattered that do a half job at everything? And perhaps the most important question of all: Is God pleased with the focus of my life?

'Cuz really, that's what life is all about anyway.


I'm not sure where the original image for the picture for this post came from, but I found it here.

Fifty Things

This gorgeous quilt can be found here. Actually, the whole website is super duper inspirational for me. (See #15 of my list below!) 

My husband turned 49 a few days ago. Some of his friends have already been ribbing him about turning 50. I'm looking down the barrel of 50 in a couple of years so this seems like a good time to make some goals. So! This is my list of 50 things to do by the time I turn 50. Not sure I'll get them all done, but I'm a list person and it gives me some focus. Focus! Reminds me...but I'll do another post about that and try to remain focused on one post at a time (haha!).... My inspiration for this came from this post.

1.Lead someone to Jesus.
2. Lose 50 pounds. At least.
3. Be able to run 5 miles easily. 
4. Do my part to put us in a position where my husband and I can both quit our jobs and he can pastor full time.
5. If I still need to make an income then I want to do it by making stuff.
6. Finish the red, white and blue quilt I started for my son many moons ago.
7. Make a quilt for our bed.
8. Make a fall themed quilt.
9. Get all my photo albums scanned and saved electronically.
10. Organize all my digital pictures on my computer in a way that makes sense.
11. Get strong. See numbers 2 and 3. It's all related.
12. Be able to do 10 pull ups (chin ups) (again see 2 and 3 and also 11).
13. Make a string quilt. This may be one of the quilts listed above.
14. Learn how to free motion quilt.
15. Learn to quilt in general! (See numbers 6, 7, 8, 13 and 14!)
16. Lead someone to Jesus. (I know this is here twice. It's at the top and bottom of my list because it is the most important thing in my life, from beginning to end. Everything else is good and important to me, but people have eternal value, and that's more important than everything else put together.
17. ....................................   --crickets--  ...............................

Ok. So maybe I can't come up with 50 things. That's a lot. This list is in no way complete even though I can't put my finger on more things I want to accomplish right at the moment. Also, I think if I add much more to this list I'll lose my focus. See my next post for my thoughts on focus! (Let's hope I post it sooner rather than later, as "later" seems to be my custom lately!)

Update! Between the time I started this post and published this post I gave my two weeks notice! (See #4) It wasn't an easy decision, but it was the right one. More on this in a future post as well.

Heartwork

This weekend I'm taking part in an online writing course sponsored by the lovely Kate. I did the same workshop last month and discovered some "hidden treasure" in my heart that I wanted to record on paper. I had a hard time though, possibly because I'm not in the habit of writing regularly, not to mention really writing from my heart. This time around I'm working on getting my emotions (mostly about growing older) coherent in my mind so I can journal them. Though I guess that's all part of journaling...the coherent and the incoherent! Goodness knows that the emotions of a woman are sometimes the farthest thing from coherent!! Haha! Also, I'm cautious about what to share here, because this is such a public forum and I tend to be a private person about what's going on in the depths of my heart. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing but it is what it is.

Anyway.

I'd like to share a quote by Dr. Susan Love (surgeon and proponent of breast cancer research) that has made me think deeply about this season of my life:

As women, we're lucky because we are reminded in a very physical way that this is mid-life, so we can re-evaluate what we are and where we are going...It's very healthy to view menopause as a chance to recharge and rebuild.


This pretty much sums up what I believe concerning mid-life as women. I think we have many reference-point opportunities throughout our life to evaluate and re-evaluate, but menopause has to be one of the if not the most poignant. What a wonderful opportunity! A challenge, to be sure, but an opportunity none the less.

For me, it's a time when my two of my three children have grown up and moved out on their own to pursue their own lives and destinies, and my youngest is grown, soon to be moving out as well. I've looked at myself with myriad emotions and finally come to the understanding that I am not defined by my children. I am not defined by my husband. I am not even defined by myself!

By the way, away with all women's magazines, articles, and popular thinking that declare the need for "Me time!" and "I need/must have/ have to"....fill in the blank. Today's society and culture are super duper geared toward women placing themselves first. "If I don't take care of myself I won't be able to take care of anyone else." Rubbish. Not that we let ourselves go and don't guard our hearts and minds and emotions, and take care of our bodies, but this is a big subject for another post. I do plan to explore it, but not right this minute.

So.

I am defined by who God created me to be. That He created me, first to have relationship with Him, and then to be instrumental in helping others into relationship with Him. It has been so easy, for the twenty five years I've been raising children, to hide in my role as a mother. Motherhood is a wonderful, God-given role, specifically designed by Him for women. Mothers are vital and instrumental in the lives of our children on infinite levels, but one must continually seek first the Kingdom of God though the years of raising children and beyond. Part of this seeking first is that when one's life roles change, one needs to roll with those changes and not freak out! Menopause is a very interesting time because one's body is experiencing hormonal changes second only to puberty and in this chick it translates to a very emotional time.

So, with all that as a preface, I am taking part in this weekend workshop and discovering some truths about myself, my motherhood, my role as a wife, growing older, and my relationship with God.

I'll record as much as I can with pen and paper and share some of that here as well.

Smile! You Are Beautiful!

  

Years ago, when I was probably about sixteen or seventeen, I found some notes in my car. In those days, and in the town where I lived, we never bothered to roll up our car windows in the summer, never mind lock the doors. I had gone into some shop or another and when I came out a note had been placed on the driver's seat of my car that said, "Smile, God loves you." I thought that was kind of cool, and I did smile. I went on my merry way and stopped at another shopping center for another errand. When I came out I found another note on the same kind of paper with a smile-y face and the message, "Jesus cares." I have to admit, at that point I was a bit freaked out. I remember looking quickly around to try to see who had put it there. Who was following me?

Nothing transpired from those events...no one approached me, no one followed me home, nothing. Even though it was kind of freaky that they had followed me from store to store, I thought it was nice that someone had taken the time to tell me that God loved me. This was not something I was not familiar with at that time in my life. Two years and a lot of heartache would pass before I met Jesus personally and made Him Lord of my life.  I can only conclude, to this day, some 30 years later, that it had to be either someone I knew who preferred to remain anonymous, or someone who simply had a heart to reach out to others but for whatever reason didn't want to go about it directly. Whatever the case, I have carried in my heart that memory and the little spark of happiness those gestures gave me for these 30 years. I seriously believe that it was in those moments that God began to deal with my heart and draw me to Himself, culminating with the start of a new life when I received Jesus as my Lord and Saviour two or three years later.

This memory came back to me the other day when I came across this:

www.operationbeautiful.com

Photo credit:
flickr.com/photos/rayguntv/2306213245/

The Reason Why I'm Tired Today or A Good Excuse to Go Back to Bed

Yesterday was a busy day. It started with this.


All my days start with this around 6:30. Oh yeah! And this too! My coffee pot has a timer. What a luxury to wake up to fresh coffee. It's almost like someone made it for me!



Then I moved on to a little of this.


Actually a lot of this and everything that goes along with it concerning glass cleaner, mops, washing machines, dust rags, dish soap and toilet brushes.

Then I did some of this.


Not on my dining room floor, however. I used them in the garden. (Can you hear the British in the way I speak?) In America it's a yard. Y.A.R.D. A garden is where we grow stuff like veggies. Something I would like to have but don't. In England a yard is a little paved area off the back of the house big enough for a mouse hole and a broken flower pot and one plastic chair. No worries though. It's always raining so you wouldn't even want to sit out there in your one chair and enjoy the view of your broken flower pot.

Anyway.


I wondered why in the world is there an apple tree planted on top of a banana tree in my garden. (It's a garden in my mind. Old habits never die.) Or maybe the banana was planted on top of the apple. Whatever. It's a rented house. What can I say?

I watered my pathetic little mint plant. I am trying to get it to take off and fill the pot with lush verdant growth that will beg me to make tea.


Speaking of pathetic, I contemplated throwing out the basil. I just can't do it though because there is a tiny bit of fresh green in the middle. See it? I'm not sure if that's old green and it just hasn't died yet or if it's new and the thing is going to make it. I suspect it's old, with my fab gardening skilz. There is a reason I don't have that vegetable garden...



I moved into the Studio. (I feel silly calling it that. Let's just refer to it as the pack rat's nest. I'd call it a cave except it isn't dark.) I finished a quilt for a dear friend's daughter who is about to have her first baby. The picture doesn't do it much justice, but it did turn out to be very cute!



I also worked on this.


The plan is that it will turn out something like this. I love it...eccentric and colorful. If it works, and I think it will, I have a desk in that room to do also.

I also debuted a new-to-me Pottery Barn fabric that I might make into a new duvet cover for our bed. (Thank you Goodwill!) The cat approves. She won't get to sleep on it, though because my husband doesn't allow her to sleep with us. She used to be able to, but lately she wakes up at 4 am and walks around on our heads. He kicked her out the other morning and said she's never coming back. Poor baby. He's a mean old man to kick her out into the freezing cold (70 degrees) living room where she has to curl up on the furry throw that lives on the couch. Actually she has her own room. My "Studio" is really "The Cat's Room." She spends most of her time sleeping in there. If she's not outside saving the world from bugs and dead leaves, that is.


The picture isn't the greatest (typical...they look good on my computer but they lose something on the blog), but you get the idea. I love the fabric, but I'm still not sure what I want to do with it.

I finished the day with a this, and a long phone chat with my daughters who live in another state.


I managed to do some other things too, making it a VERY productive day. And now, I'm going back to bed. I need more sleep after all that productivity!

Just kidding!

Maybe...

The Story of Fog, Mr. Gray, and Cats

"Why Cat Feet Studio?" Well, grab a cup of coffee and I'll tell ya.

The first thing you need to know is that when I was in school I loved English. Loved it with a passion. By contrast, I hated math; hated it down to the marrow of my bones. When I reached high school that hate later turned to utter loathing of vilest description. This, however, is not the point. The point is that I loved English and when my English teacher, Mr. Gray, introduced us to Fog by Carl Sandburg I fell in love. With the poem. I was already in love with Mr. Gray but that's not the point either. You can read the poem here.

You also need to know that after I was married (not to Mr. Gray, alas) my husband and I began to keep cats and I fell in love for the third time. (The second time was with my husband, the greatest guy in the world, which really was the first time if you don't count Mr. Gray, making my love of cats my second love--are you following all this???) We've had cats most of our marriage and they are an integral part of our home life. My daughter said, "A cat makes a house a home." I'm pretty sure she's right.

The third thing you need to know is that I love crafts, especially sewing. We currently live in a house with an extra bedroom which I have made into a craft studio. It's also a guest room, but if I have pressing matters to attend to with my sewing machine the guests have to move to a tent in the yard. It's OK. I let them come in to use the shower. Just kidding. Anyway, I have been known to disappear into that room for hours on end and make stuff. Jewelry, cards, clothes, quilts, you name it. Whatever strikes my fancy at the moment or appeals to my sense of creativity is produced there. My cat always comes to keep me company. If she's not outside catching lizards and other miscellany then she can be found snoozing on the bed administrating in my studio.

Moving right along in my story, some time ago we moved to the San Francisco Bay Area. I think this  is where they have the fog factory for the whole world. I'm not really into the fog, if the truth be told. I'm originally a desert rat from Arizona but even I have to admit the fog can be very beautiful. If I'm inside. With the heater on. And the fireplace. And some tea, a book, the cat, and for good measure the sound of my husband tapping away on his computer keyboard.

Anyway, back to the point.

Hence, Cat Feet Studio. The combination of my favorite poem, my favorite pet, my favorite things to do, and the beautiful place I live.

So that's my introduction! Check back and see what's in the shop when I get it up. I'll put a link in the sidebar.

I want to add a clarification: in all seriousness, my very first love is Jesus. I'm a born again Christian, been saved for 27 years at the time of this writing, the wife of a pastor. I love Jesus with all my heart, first and foremost. Everything I write and do and am is against that backdrop!